His Lonely Heart Howls
by Lupin3Black
Summary: 'I don't think I'll ever do anything particularly spectacular which'll be so brilliant that people will remember me for generations. People won't know my name when I die but, I'll still be Remus Lupin, and hopefully I'll have friends and family to mourn me. And that'll be enough.' Remus's story from aged five until Sirius's trial. Eventual Sirius/Remus


Chapter One

Her son's broken body lay limp in her arms, his chest rising and falling faintly beneath the star-print pyjamas he'd gotten for Christmas two years ago, the plastic bag hung jauntily off the crook of her elbow and frequently bumped against the five-year old's wounded side, he would let out a whimper and his amber eyes would jerk open in pain, yet Hope Lupin did nothing to comfort the terrified boy and after a while he fell asleep again out of sheer exhaustion.

Hope's feet slapped against the ground, in her haste she'd forgotten about the lack of petrol in the automobile and the blasted thing had broken down a mile from their destination, she cursed it to the high heavens, not knowing why she let her late-husband persuade her into getting one. Now she had to hold the vile creature in her arms, she'd have to disinfect herself once she got home, there was no telling how the disease the monster inside the body of what was once her son possessed could be transmitted, so she wouldn't take any chances.

The whitewashed walls of the thatched cottage came into view and Hope ran faster, eager to leave the child and get back to the life she could have once she got rid of the abomination forced upon her perfect family. She could have more children, pity Remus was an only child but Hope had no intention of dying childless, as soon as the monster was disposed of she would start trying for children immediately, she could find a new husband, someone unlike Lyall who wouldn't force a failure like Remus upon her.

The watery March sun shone brightly in sky and the young woman got many strange glances as she winded the final corner and unlatched the gate, bumping Remus's head in the process. Her father-in-law stood up from his gardening plot when he saw her, "Hope? Mind Remus's head, will you? What're you doin' 'ere anyways?" He asked, stripping his hands of the blue cloth gloves obscuring his hands from the feel of fresh soil underneath his finger tips. His greying brow crinkled in concern when he spotted the blood seeping through Remus's white pyjamas. "What's wrong with the lad?" He asked, striding forward briskly and stumbling slightly when Hope thrust the now-crying boy into his tanned arms, "Hope? What're you doin' woman?!"

Remus reached froward for his mother, whimpering and out-stretching his skinny arms. "Mummy!" The child cried, salty tears of pain and frustration running down his gaunt and pale cheekbones, "I'm sorry, mummy!" The tawny-haired boy's bottom lip trembled and his thin shoulder blades shuddered beneath his cotton pyjamas with barely repressed sobs.

"That's not a child! That's a monster!" Hope shrieked, glaring at the child with so much vigour that Remus's stick-like arms dropped to his grandfather's shoulders and he buried his wet face into the lovingly pressed shirt, John Lupin's calloused hand came up to stoke his grandson's hair soothing, the other supporting him by the small of his back. "Hush now boy," he murmured soothingly and brushed his round cheek against the tinier-than-normal boy's dirty locks.

"You don' mean that, Hope." The oldest-living Lupin said placatingly, "Why don't we go in, Sue'll make us a nice cuppa' tea and we'll explain the whole lycanthropy-thing again." Hope shook her head, her blue eyes crazed as she threw the hastily packed bag down at the older man's feet, "No-no that thing ain't my darling Remus, that's a monster-A monster! I don't want nothin' to do with it!" She declared, spinning on her heel and storming down the freshly-weeded garden path, "An' don't bother returning 'im!" She yelled angrily, "'cus I'll just chuck 'im out the back garden and he can play with the rats!"

John shook with anger and he want to do nothing but whip out his wand and send a tumble of curses down the street at Hope Delilah Lupin. Although he knew that any sudden movements would aggravate his grandson's wounds more and the gardener couldn't be sure how much blood the shivering child had already lost. "C'mon laddie," he crooned softly into the boy's ear, winding his strong arms around his grandson's frame, "We'll get Nana to 'ave a look at you, won't we?"

Remus shuddered against him as John open the door, the collar of his grey checked shirt was stained with tears that pressed against his skin and made him shiver in the cold March breeze. He tumbled inside, fully aware of the thinness of Remus's white pyjamas, he remembered with a gulp, that last night had been the full moon.

(Pagebreak)

No one could say the John Lyall Lupin was a heartless man, anyone could see the light in his eyes when he was around those he loved, the joy he possessed for his wife, Susan Lupin when she did something as ordinary as make his favourite dinner, and the happiness the tall man openly expressed anytime his tiny grandson came to visit as a toddler, peering over his shoulder in the garden and cooing in delight at the worms wriggling in his flower beds. He also held a fond spot for his son, even though he didn't respect his decision to marry the Hope woman, she'd been all lip-stick and jaunty skirts swinging about her shins when she walked in, Lyall, his son, had saved her from a bogart attack and they'd apparently fallen in love.

Hope Lupin had always seemed too perfect, too brazen and smart.

John Lupin was right to hold his doubts about her.

The newest Lupin family's only child had gotten bitten by a werewolf when the family were out for a walk one night, and Hope had sprinted in the opposite directions whilst his poor Lyall had stayed to fight for his son's life, and had his own breath taken in the process. Hope had withdrawn from John and Sue, taking their precious grandchild with her, her visits were lessened and spaced between, each time they did appear, Remus looked sicklier and skinnier than usual, Hope treating him with the utmost disgust anytime she did actually address him.

John laid Remus down carefully on the faded couch and the child whimpered, clawing at his shirt, trying to get back into his arms, "Granda! Pwease!" He sobbed violently and John fought back tears, kneeling down beside the boy, he tucked him against his chest, "It's alright, Rem, Granda's 'ere, I just gotta' get Nana, okay? Nana's gonna make you better!" Reluctantly Remus released the vice-like grip on John's shirt and sunk back into the plump cushions of the cherry-red sofa.

John smiled reassuringly at him and dashed for the kitchen, where Sue stood stirring a pot of soup, "Sue, come quick, woman! It's Remus!" He exclaimed and the terror he felt must of been mirrored in his eyes as his wife dropped the spoon and dashed for the living-room. She spotted the child on the sofa, and was by his side in an instant, kneeling down and clasping his small hand in her own soft one, "Hey baba," she whispered to the half-asleep boy who peered at her through partly-closed eyes. She swallowed audibly when she seen the blood seeping through his pyjamas, "Tell Nana where it hurts, okay?"

Although Remus's voice was small and timid, he managed to inform them about his side and his head, Sue Lupin also noticed several scrapes and bruises littering his translucent skin, she turned to her husband who was hovering anxiously at the doorway, "I need a basin of hot water, several clean towels, all the bandages you can find and whatever potions we have in the cabinet, oh! And bring down some soap and see if any of Lyall's old pyjama's are in the attic, will you?" She ordered with the efficiency of a retired nurse, she gently pushed Remus back until he was fully lying down on the sofa before gingerly removing his soiled pyjamas, "I've no doubt that I'll need them all."

Remus's eyes closed until all the light was blocked out and he smiled gently because the pain wasn't as bad now, it was more numb than anything and he couldn't feel the pain, "Not now Remus!" His Nana demanded fiercely and he forced his eyes open again, peering at her blearily, "No sleeping now, but I promise you can sleep later! You can sleep all day later!" She promised him, rubbing his legs down with a wet towel and dabbing potions at some of the smaller cuts, having already stitched and bandaged the major wound on his rib cage.

She tilted his head up and helped him swallow some of the foul blood-replenishing potion, it tasted horrible, but Remus was thankful for something to take away the scratchiness in his throat. He wanted to start crying again because no one had treated him this kindly since his father died. His eyes fluttered shut again and this time his Nana let him sleep, when he woke again this time, Nana was stroking soap through his long untamed hair gently, "Shall we cut your hair in the morning, Rem?" She asked gently and he nodded quietly.

"Nana?" He asked, swallowing nervously, "Can I-can I have some'fing to eat pwease?" He asked, feeling drowsy and comfortable in the plaid checked pyjama's his grandfather had found amongst the pile of photo albums in the attic.

Sue bit her lip and blinked back tears when she remembered the times Remus would boldly ask for food, a cheeky glint so much like his father's shining brightly in his amber eyes. "Of course you can, Remmie. Shall I get Granda to make it?" She asked smiling at him mischievously, feeling ridiculously happy when Remus let out a squeal of laughter. She tilted the jug of luke-warm water over his hair and rinsed the soap from the long strands into the basin on her lap, she hadn't moved him from the sofa but she'd needed to wash the blood from his hair or else it could transfer bacteria onto the wound on his head which John had angrily told her came from Hope herself, bashing his frail head against the iron-wrought gate.

"No Nana!" Remus giggled sleepily, "You know Granda can't cook! He'll burn it!" Sue felt a smile creep on to her face despite the worries bubbling through her, trust her Remus to make her smile when she should be trying to comfort him.

"I've made some potato and leak soup in the kitchen, as well as a nice loaf of homemade bread, shall we go feast on that m'dear?" Sue asked gently, helping the pale boy sit up and running a towel through his wet hair to help it try faster, it wouldn't do for him to get a cold on top of everything else.

"Yes pwease Nana!" Remus smiled and Sue grabbed his hand, she began to lead him into the kitchen but seeing him wince and limp quickly changed her mind, picking him up under the armpits and lifting him into the kitchen. She kissed his cheek and sit him down on the chair with a padded cushion, so as not to provoke any other wounds.

She'll be damned if her frail Grandson ever got hurt under her roof.

(Pagebreak)

"Who's this then, John?" One of his regular customers cooed at Remus who ducked shyly behind his grandfather's legs, John let out a rueful smile, remembering the days when his Remus would demand to know who the stranger was and 'maybe then I'll tell you my name, mister!'

"You know my Remus, Albus, my grandson." He said, as Albus smiled welcomingly down at the boy. "He's stayin' with us from now." He normally would have told them to go mind their own business, but this is Albus Dumbledore, one of his oldest friends, many had departed when they found out Remus had been attacked from a werewolf and would be staying with the older Lupin's from now on, but Dumbledore had sent a bundle of clothes and shoes, as well as some books, for 'the bravest boy in town.'

"He's certainly changed, hasn't he John?" Albus said sadly, bending down to Remus's level. "Hello Remus, my name is Albus Dumbledore, it's nice to meet you!" He slipped a hand into his pocket and pulled out a pear-drop, dropping into the boy's palm and winking, smiling delightedly when the boy let out a boyish grin and popped it in his mouth, clumsily reciprocating the wink, making both older men laugh boisterously.

"Ah, our Remus is very different than what he used to be, aye. But we wouldn't want 'im any other way." John boasted, rubbing his grandsons arm proudly, "My Remus'll make us proud some day."

Dumbledore stood up, a twinkle glistening in his pale-blue eyes behind his half-moon glasses, "I don't doubt that for a minute," he then picked up some bright purple tulips from a nearby stand and said, "So, are these half-off then, John?"

**a/n So what do you guys think? I've another fic coming up soon as well as an update for What The Keyboard Recomends! If you're new to my work, then please go check out my other wolfstar stories!**

**Please Review!**

**-Lupin3Black**


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